


When there is sorrow, there is holy ground

by Moondxst



Category: The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Everything Hurts, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, Hurt No Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Lost Love, Love, Love Letters, M/M, Suicide Notes, Symbolism, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 04:00:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28950045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moondxst/pseuds/Moondxst
Summary: Additional tags: Basil is Alive but at what cost; Dorian isn't that bad; neither is Harry; Poor Basil is Numb; Author is on a creative row and sleep deprived——————Dorian takes matters into his own hands.It doesn't end up well to anybody
Relationships: Dorian Gray/Basil Hallward
Kudos: 8





	When there is sorrow, there is holy ground

**Author's Note:**

> Yes this is pure suffering I apologise in advance I am trying to keep this alive 
> 
> No pun intended

The summer wind swirled around the garden in imperfect shapes, evening out the strong Lilac scent that could be smelled all around the house. Harry was sit under the single apple tree, smoking a cigarette, seemingly unaware of the unbearable scent Basil was bearing with, numb to everything else. It could be dark night for all he cared.  
-Why did you do it? —He asked at last, looking up with the dreadful eyes and blank expression.  
-Do what?  
-Why didn't you leave? Why did you have to feed him lies? Why couldn't you just let me have this, just once?  
Truthfully, Basil felt nothing. He felt like an empty shell of a man. He couldn't even cry if he wanted to. Ever since the boy in Dorian was replaced and soon gone, he led a life of void, of existing without living.  
-I just told him the same things I've already told you, he just had a different reaction.  
-I see through you, Harry! And you know it! You knew he wouldn't know you didn't believe your words, you knew you would take him away!  
-I thought he would fight it .  
-No you didn't! —the painter growled  
-Yes, I didn't —he replied putting off his cigarette and shrugged -I thought you would.  
-What on earth do you mean?!  
-It's true. I thought you liked him so that you would have your way of counter-fight my words.

A long silence fell on the ambience followed by the sound of Basil falling on to the ground  
-I didn't want to tell you though. It wouldn't be your fault if the boy fell but you would feel guilty just the same.  
-why… —Basil trailed off. He wasn't even sure of what to ask, he was way too busy bearing the crushing feeling of failing his love falling over his back while that damn lilac scent got stronger.  
-You deserved to know the truth. I didn't expect to corrupt Dorian all the way, dear Basil, I am actually more sorry about the failure of this experiment than you can imagine. I hope you don't hold it against me.  
Lord Henry got up, brushing his pants and patting the painter's back, wished him farewell and walked away, watching the sun set and the birds fly higher than he ever could imagine.

Meanwhile, Basil Hallward laid back in the grass, arms over his face and a strong, crashing wish to ruin and destroy the god damn Lilacs that wouldn't stop tormenting his senses, but he was way too tired to get up and do anything about them. At that moment he just wanted to open his eyes and see Dorian Gray, wearing that boyish, innocent smile on his perfect red lips and those curious blue eyes waiting for him to get up and throwing his head back while laughing loudly because Basil had been asleep for hours and had had a seemingly terrible nightmare. He really wished he could reach for Dorian, by his side, the boy he once knew. At the same time, he wished he had poison to swallow at once and end this overwhelming feeling of nothingness.  
All he could hear was the repeating "You failed him. Your feelings didn't save him. You made him fall" that played over and over in his head.  
He hadn't tried enough. He should've been there for him, he should've known.  
He knew.  
He'd told him.  
And he loved him.  
But it wasn't enough.

Love. He hated that word now. It took him so long to be able to admit that he loved his dear friend, and that it could be the last straw that would send him to hell, but he couldn't help it. He tried to push the young man away but he would come back wanting this or needing that and he could do nothing but comply, and wish to be near him.  
And Love…. Had destroyed them both.  
Dorian laid now forever gone because Love couldn't save him and Basil laid now in eternal sorrow because Love had poisoned him.  
He didn't thought he would be able to get through it, either. He wasn't mad at Harry anymore, he was mad at himself. No man, large or small, can be destroyed by nothing but his own hand. Dorian had destroyed himself and Basil the same, but that didn't mean that their falls, sorrows and sins weren't utterly intertwined.

Without warning, a letter fell on his stomach but when he opened his eyes, whoever dropped it was already long gone.  
As he recognised the hand writing, a shaky breath left his lips. He opened it as fast as he could. He had to know...  
"This letter shall be read by no one but my dearest friend Basil Hallward.  
Basil, I hope you can forgive me. There are a lot of things I will forever regret, the most important one, however, is the fact that I never searched for your help. I look at the horrific picture in front of me and I deeply remorse how I tried to push you away. I thought you would never forgive me, I don't think you will ever, I thought you would be scared, disgusted, fearful. I knew you wouldn't. I am sorry I couldn't hold you before I go, I really wish I had closed the distance that one time when I stole your hat. Nonsense, it is way too late for me. I just don't think you deserve to suffer on the account of a fool like me. I hope you can, someday, look back at our lives together and feel something other than sadness or discomfort.  
I want you to know if this went wrong and you are reading this, I aimed to fix the problem, not end up dead. Sneaky little painting.  
Forever yours (quite literally);  
Dorian Gray"

-We could've fixed it together. It is never too late… up until this moment, at least —Basil murmured, holding the letter tightly to his chest and letting the first tears he had cried in months roll down his face.  
Hallward felt nothing but his soul leaving him and the heartbreak of a damned, and the soul crushing realisation that Dorian loved him back and he will never have it again. Him again. This was it. His tragic love story.  
He never took himself for a hopeless romantic. Hopeless at last.  
A soft brisk of wind brushed through his face and hair and took some tears with it and the scent of lilacs all together. Leaving Basil in the void, with no senses to cure his soul and only the almost caressed-like feeling in his face and all the pain and sorrow a man can feel without self combustion.  
Far away, out on the horizon, Dorian reached for Basil's face, crying with him and apologising as much as he could.  
Farther away, Lord Harry grew years older, and felt the overwhelming feeling of regret fill his heart as he watched the crushing moment in the garden. Worst of all, he could see a part of Basil's soul missing. Perhaps just this once, he should have thought about his plan just a little bit more thoroughly.

No one won this time. Not even hell itself.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi leave kudos and comments can be hate I deserve it I'm a horrible man


End file.
